Sometimes I browse through my bookshelf and rediscover a good book, like this one: Op naar geluk. De psychologie van een fijn leven (Towards happyness. The pcychology of a good life) by Ap Dijksterhuis (2015), professor of psychology in Nijmegen. According to research, we have about 50% control over our own happiness. So there are things we can actively do to experience more happiness.

Ideas for a Better Life

Dijksterhuis describes how you can give yourself small nudges toward a better life and offers twelve recommendations (pp. 270–274). I have condensed them into six core ideas:

1. Choose experiences over possessions
Possessions do not make you happy. Use surplus money not for material goods, but for experiences such as dining out, attending a concert or theatre performance, going on holiday, or cooking for friends. Spend your free time consciously and mindfully: replace mindless distractions (such as scrolling through social media) with a hobby, a course, or a shared activity.

2. Seek connection with others
Almost any social interaction increases happiness. A brief chat at the checkout, giving a compliment, or participating in activities organized by a club or association gives you a sense of belonging to something larger, and makes both you and others happier.

3. Set meaningful goals
Examine the goals you set for yourself and focus not only on the end result, but especially on how you feel while pursuing them. The process—the activity itself—has a greater impact on your happiness than the eventual outcome.

Dealing with Emotions

4. Work with your emotions
Instead of avoiding or suppressing your feelings, it helps to take them seriously and give them space. Emotions are valuable signals that show what truly matters to you. Try to sense what lies beneath your initial reaction: anger, for example, may conceal sadness or an unmet need. By acknowledging, exploring, and approaching your emotions with kindness, you gain insight into what you need and can respond in healthier ways.

5. Live with attention
Do as much as possible one thing at a time. Limit email and social media to fixed moments, and focus your awareness on the present. Occasionally observe your own thoughts from a distance, as if watching a film: this helps both to enjoy experiences more fully and to let go when needed.

6. Start small, then expand
You can begin immediately by consciously reflecting on what you felt today, truly experiencing those emotions, and recognizing the needs underlying them. Then choose one approach that suits you best and gradually expand your efforts. In this way, you move step by step along your personal path toward greater happiness.

And the Other 50%?

The ideas above may be insufficient—or not sufficient on their own—if you are dealing with unresolved traumatic experiences, a process of grief, or severe work and living conditions. If you find it difficult to cope with these challenges, therapy or coaching may help you move forward.