A real-life journey through EFT

From overwhelm to emotional clarity

Many people come to therapy feeling overwhelmed, confused by their emotions, or stuck in patterns they don’t fully understand. Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) offers a different approach: rather than focusing primarily on thoughts, it helps people access, understand, and transform their emotional experience at a deeper level.

In this blog, I’m sharing a powerful real-life account of what that process can look like. Below, you’ll find a revised transcript of an interview by Lou Cooper (EFT therapist in Australia) with Stephen, who speaks openly about his journey through EFT and the impact it has had on his life.

If you would prefer to listen to the original conversation, you can find the full podcast episode here: https://www.emotionfocused.com/episodes/interview-stephen

Stephen’s story offers an honest and relatable insight into how emotional overwhelm develops—and how working directly with emotions can lead to lasting change.

Interview transcript (shortened)

Interviewer: What took you to therapy in the first place?

Stephen: Let’s see… going back—I’m now approaching my 50s—but in my early 30s I experienced a series of major life changes and setbacks. I lost my father, who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I was with him for about a year and a half before he died, and I found that very difficult. Then, shortly after that, my long-term relationship—over 15 years—ended. I also changed jobs. So, it was really a whirlwind of events happening all at once.

With all of that came a lot of emotions, and I felt quite overwhelmed at the time. Looking back, I think I was a bit in shock. After about six months to a year of not feeling great and struggling to live my life the way I had before—because up until then things had generally felt quite easy and enjoyable—I started to think that maybe I needed to talk to someone. At the time, I was living in England; I now live abroad.

Interviewer: So a lot happened in a short period of time, and it sounds like you reached a point where you felt you had to do something.

Stephen: Yes, I think so. I’m not sure if this will resonate with others, but although I consider myself quite emotionally aware, that awareness didn’t help me express my emotions. I knew something was off and that I had a lot of emotions swirling around, but I didn’t know what to do with them.

I reached a point where I found it very difficult to show people how I was feeling, partly because I felt ashamed of the intensity of those emotions.

Interviewer: Did you deliberately look for someone who worked with emotions? How did you come across Emotion-Focused Therapy?

Stephen: Eventually, yes—I specifically went looking for it. After about six months of struggling, I searched—this was in the early days of the internet, so I don’t remember exactly where. The first therapist I saw used more of a cognitive behavioural approach, focusing on thoughts. I saw her weekly for around six months. It helped to some extent, but eventually it felt like we hit a wall. She used the word “blockage,” which didn’t help me at the time—it made me feel like something was wrong with me.

After that, I tried to solve things on my own. I took a hypnotherapy course, thinking that learning it might help me help myself. It was interesting, but it didn’t really work that way. I also had a few sessions with a hypnotherapist, but again I felt that when things got deep, they seemed to pull back.

Then I moved abroad and emailed someone who seemed well qualified. I explained what I had tried and that I wanted to explore my emotions more deeply, rather than just my thoughts. That’s when I was referred to Carla, and that was the start of my EFT journey.

Interviewer: That’s quite a common pathway—starting with CBT, getting so far, and then looking for something more focused on emotional experience. When you look back at the person you were when you first started therapy, what do you see?

Stephen: That’s a difficult question. I guess I see someone full of energy and good intentions, but who kept hitting barriers and needed help working through them. I think Carla helped me become more aware of those barriers and actually feel and process them. In earlier sessions, I often felt frustrated because emotions would come up and I didn’t know what to do with them.

Interviewer: You started therapy feeling overwhelmed. What have you learned about that overwhelm?

Stephen: One key thing I learned—something I wasn’t aware of before—is that my internal conflict came from different parts of myself expressing different things. The “chairs” work in EFT made that very clear.

It was intense to move between different parts of myself and hear those voices. Before, everything felt mixed together, which made it overwhelming. EFT helped me separate those emotions and understand what was going on. It gave me a sense of direction—a journey.

I also felt motivated to commit to the process, partly because of the relationship with Carla. I don’t think I had that same level of commitment in previous therapies.

Interviewer: That sounds connected to how you related to her and how she related to you.

Stephen: Yes, and also the structure. Instead of just analysing thoughts, we explored emotions and gave them life. I could describe them, visualize them, and even create images that represented them. That made them something we could work with.

Interviewer: I notice you say “we,” which suggests a collaborative process.

Stephen: Absolutely. Sessions would often start with casual conversation, then gradually shift deeper. As I opened up, my emotions would come to the surface, and Carla would notice subtle cues—like tears or tension—and guide me to explore them. That was incredibly helpful.

Interviewer: Almost like she could see what you weren’t aware of.

Stephen: Exactly. CBT focused more on repetitive thoughts, whereas EFT focused on emotional peaks—those moments where something important was happening. That led to more discovery.

Interviewer: Was that sense of discovery motivating?

Stephen: Very much so. I saw it as a journey. Between sessions, things would continue to develop—through reflection, dreams, or emotional moments. Each session built on the last.

Interviewer: It sounds like something really happens in those sessions.

Stephen: Definitely. Over the years, I’ve had several periods of therapy with Carla, and each time there are a few key moments where something significant shifts. Those moments are incredibly valuable.

Interviewer: How would you describe your relationship with your emotions now?

Stephen: I’d say I’m more relaxed about them. The same patterns and feelings still exist, but I don’t panic as much when they arise. In the past, I would shut down and go into survival mode. I still have that tendency, but I recover more quickly.

I’ve also struggled with self-acceptance, and therapy has helped me with that. I used to be very harsh on myself; now I can experience setbacks and move on more easily.

Interviewer: It sounds like you’ve become more familiar—perhaps even friendly—with your emotions.

Stephen: To some extent, yes. But it’s not straightforward. There’s a dominant, critical, almost “alpha male” voice in me that used to suppress my emotional side. Now, the emotional part has become stronger and can challenge that voice.

There’s more acceptance now, but with boundaries. It’s still an ongoing process—a kind of power shift between those parts of me.

Interviewer: So not a simple friendship, but one that works better now.

Stephen: Exactly. I’m still learning to allow the emotional, vulnerable part of me to express itself, while keeping the critical part in check when needed.

Overwhelmed or struggling to express emotions?

If you recognize yourself in Stephen’s story—feeling overwhelmed by emotions, struggling to express what you feel, or noticing patterns you can’t seem to change—you are not alone.

Emotion-Focused Therapy can help you make sense of your inner experience, develop a healthier relationship with your emotions, and create meaningful, lasting change.

If you’re curious about how this approach could support you, I invite you to get in touch. Together, we can explore what you’re going through and whether EFT is a good fit for you.